Friday, May 8, 2015

oh wait, you write blog posts?

oh heeyyyyy there.  i know it's been quite some time since you've seen one of these from me, and i apologize for that.  i felt like every time i wrote on here, it was about my struggles, and i just didn't think people wanted to continuously hear about it.

well, sadly, this blog post won't be any better haha  butttt, i did want to give you a little bit of insight as to what's been going on with me lately, and what's in for the future!

so as most of you know, i moved in with John in the beginning of november.  at the time, i was doing the "psychotic fat destruction" plan with steve poynter of fitness poynters, while also coaching a group of girls.  everything was going great, i was following the meal plan to an absolute t, working my ass off, and in a month, lost 13 pounds, i felt amazing. i loved coaching the group of girls, feeling like i was able to help people reach their goals was an amazing feeling.  i've made some great friends from working with them.  then ya know, life happened haha i moved in with john, got settled with moving in to our house, and hadn't found a gym to start going to.  we all know what it feels like when you take time off, it's harder and harder to start again. after the first month of coaching, i started slacking majorly.  i wasn't as motivated with myself, so in turn, it reflected my efforts with them. i kept on going in a circle of "i'll start monday" "i'll start after i come back from florida", "i'll start after the holidays"  it just kept on being put in to my head that it was "too hard" to be healthy at that time of year, so i'd just enjoy myself until january 5th, and that 2015 will be my year!  i ended up stopping the coaching with those ladies, and all of them were so completely understanding.  i just felt like, i couldn't help other people when i could barely help myself at that time.  it was one of those "put on your own oxygen masks before the person next to you" situations.

as most of you know, i got engaged on christmas!  i'm so excited for our future, and to marry this man on october 8th of next year.  but with that engagement, was the thought of "oh shit, how am i going to pay for this?" "i need to start so i can look good in my wedding dress!" and innnnnn came advocare products.  to me, the business was simple, and the products were vitamins that promoted weight loss as well, so why not?  to make a long story short, you can't sell something you don't have a passion for, so it just wasn't for me.  i met some amazing, driven people while doing it, but i couldn't get behind something that i didn't love, so that kind of dwindled away..

i was feeling super lost in my journey, not knowing where to turn.  i felt like i knew how to do it, but it wasn't working, so i needed help.  i did the whole meal plan thing and it just wasn't for me, so what was for me? how could i get back to the place that i wanted? who's going to help me?  in came jonny straws.  jonny reached out to me and understood exactly where i was coming from.  he listened to me and in him i thought i found the answer. the workouts were great, and he was a great support, but i am not made for a strict meal plan and we had differences in other areas, and in the end it just didn't work out.

so here i am again, 50 pounds up from my lowest weight, not following a meal plan or any kind of strict regimen, not feeling any pressure from any aspect, and i feel amazing. do i want the 50 pounds to come off? absolutely.  it's come down to the point, where I need to do this for ME. the thing is, that we make it so complicated.  we get so stressed about feeling like it's never going to come off, that we physically make sure that it doesn't.  we get angry when the scale doesn't move, so we turn to food.  (at least i know that i do) we get HAPPY when the scale moves, and we "reward ourselves", feeling like we deserve it.  such a messed up, vicious cycle.  right now i'm not focusing on the scale, rather than focusing on doing things that make ME feel good.  working out, does make me feel good, and i don't use it as a punishment.  working out makes my SOUL and my brain feel so much better.  there are days where i'd rather sit at home and binge on episodes of friends, but i know that if i actually go to the gym, i'll feel better about myself.  i'm focusing on eating well, and having a balanced life.  bringing my own meals and tupperware to parties, it's not something i'm going to do for the rest of my life.  feeling like i can't be social because i can't be around those things, is not normal.  and i get it, everyone has a different definition of normal, and that's fine!  but MY normal, is to be able to make healthy decisions, with every once in a while having an indulgence, without feeling guilty about it.

so without being too repetitive of myself, i know that i'm capable of doing this.  i know that i am capable of getting to where i want to be.  i know that i'm no where near the person i used to be, and that means everything to me.  the person i used to be, didn't have enough respect for herself to make better decisions for herself, both mentally, AND physically.  i have overcome so much, and to sound even more like a fortune cookie, i need to stop looking in the past, having anxiety about the future, and focus on the now.  i've done it before, imma do it again. :)

so there's my update of where i've been and the roller coaster of my life the last six months.. i really would love to post on here more, but i have no idea what YOU guys want to hear!  so please, in the comments let me know what you guys would be interested in reading, i'd love to do a once a week post at least!  



9 comments:

  1. I'd suggest writing about what you know best. Yourself. That's where it all begins and ends, right? Its so easy to get caught up on all the tricks of the trade to hope to make a few extra pennies. But if you are really being you and sharing yourself the rest will come naturally....

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  2. I am totally at this place too! I have to stop chasing the loss and just live. Make good choices, indulge when I want to and feel okay about not indulging when others expect me to, working out and jogging/walking because it feels good to me. And resting when I need it. And the biggest thing...I'm trying to not beat myself up when it doesn't go like it "should". It all sounds so easy but damn...it's not! I've been following you on FB and IG for a long time and have always been able to relate! Proud of all the progress you have made...not just with weight loss! 😘

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  3. I started originally following you over on Facebook and such and absolutely adore you and your sister. I really enjoy reading your blog posts when you write as well. Sometimes it is hard to really convey in brief posts on social media what is truly happening, your struggles and your victories. I think that is where the blog posts are nice, more room to really elaborate on what is happening. I use my own little blog as a journal, it's actually become pretty cathartic. Sometimes all I have to share is mopey stuff, because, well that is how I'm feeling, and I hope people will get that. Other times I am feeling silly, others serious and other just plain happy. I'd love to read anything you post because; from following you, I think you are totally inspirational, not just your successes, all of it. Weight problems suck and if we are all honest in our journeys there will be lots of suck in between and around the successes. Keep doing what you do, I for one will keep following and reading.

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  4. Oh how I know all of these feelings. After I got engaged I was overcome with the pressure to lose weight and look "perfect" on my wedding day. And you know what happened? I got married at my heaviest. weight. ever. But I still looked beautiful (after they altered my dress so I could fit into it!) and it was the best day ever. So just remember that whatever happens will happen, and you'll still marry a great guy.

    You're IG is so inspiring...keep doing what you're doing. We all support you.

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  5. Boo...I typed a whole thing out and it didn't post. I'm new to this so I hope I'm not reposting...

    I find that the most difficult thing for me is being social while living a healthy lifestyle. I want to be able to go out with friends but at the same time eat healthy and be active. It's not even completely about the temptation of food around, but more the "I wonder what people will think if I don't eat/drink while I'm out to dinner" or "what healthy options will be available". I'm not a huge fan of lugging around my own food all the time. I find that after going out one or two nights on the weekend it takes me days to get back into healthy eating/working out. And it stresses me out!! Do you or aanyone else have this same issue? I know this is kind of random out of nowhere, but you kind of touched on it and maybe it's something you could write about!

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  6. LOVE.THIS.POST!!! So good!!! I'm where you are at now, just getting there myself and trying to figure out how to live and love and just be healthy. Last night I read this "Don't label foods as good or bad. That is giving food moral implication ie If you eat a bad food, then you become a bad person or if you eat a good food, you are a good person" Thought that was something good to think about.
    Welcome back and hope to see more posts :)

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