happppppppy tuesday loves!
if any of you have been following my journey via facebook/instagram, you'll know my struggle with the scale.
in the beginning of my journey, it was my best friend. i was constantly seeing that number go down, which in turn just made me happy. it gave me assurance that all of my hard work was getting me somewhere, and that i wasn't doing this "for nothing".
well, about a year ago, the scale stopped moving.
and by stopped, i mean it either went up significantly, or went down by 2 ounces, then proceeded to go up again.
consistency and balance have been the absolute two hardest parts of this journey. i have a strong addiction to food. in the beginning of this journey, i definitely changed my eating habits, but if i wanted to splurge, i let myself. but sometimes, splurges turned into full on binges. but even if i binged, there were weeks that i'd still see the number drop on the scale, so i don't think my mind has FULLY switched on to what needs to happen.
i need to cut the shit. i need to not turn to food. i need to figure out the reason why i automatically do so. but again, i'm getting off topic. :)
i haven't stepped on the scale in almost 3 weeks.
is there a part of me that wants to do it?
OF COURSE THERE IS.
but what happens if i don't "like" the number? i get sad. i eat food to cure that sadness.
what happens if i DO like the number? there's part of me that's all like YEAH, KEEP GOING! and then there's another part of me that's all "oh wow! you actually accomplished something! let's celebrate with banana bread beer and cheese! you deserve it!"
believing that i "deserve" to eat crap, is ridiculous. and just another blog post that i intend to write.
so right now, i'm making healthy choices. i'm working out and staying active. i'm saying no when i want to say no, and sometimes i'm saying yes to things i probably shouldn't be saying yes to. but i'm working on balance, and right now the scale just can't be a factor.
i base so much of my worth and happiness on a damn number. for what fuckin reason?!
what does that number actually DO for me?!
so as i sit here and make lists of allllllll of the things i need to make my new house a home, i can happily say, a scale will not be on that list. and that makes me ridiculously happy :)