Thursday, July 2, 2015

NOTHING works unless you do!

So as most of you know, I started using Weight Watchers the beginning of this month.  Also, as most of you know, I've gained a significant amount of weight back over the last year, so I wanted to try something new  to see how it would work.

Well, all I gotta say is, NOTHING works, unless YOU do.  

The couple of weeks I was down a few pounds, from tracking EVERYTHING that I ate, and working out.  

Then ya know, life happened.  I don't always know how to handle when life happens.  I obviously need to find a better way to cope with emotions then with food, but it happened, and what's done is done.  I got off my workout regimen, I had one too many bites of pizza, and didn't track a thing.

I haven't stepped on the scale simply in fear that it will send me spiraling down an even darker hole so we're not gonna play that game.

The point of this post, is to say that NOTHING, and I mean NOTHING will work, unless YOU do the work!  You can wrap yourself all you want, you can take pills, shakes, anything.  Those results are not going to last until you make the mental change that you need to make in order to make an everlasting change!  I got back to where I am now because when I was at 179, I never had changed my relationship with food, and I thought where I was still wasn't good enough.  I was still binge eating regularly, I was still NOT loving myself the way that I should have been.

I'm at a place right now that I'm becoming experimental with my methods. There's a quote that I saw recently on Pinterest that really spoke to me:

It could not be more accurate. This journey is FULL of trial and error. Some things are gonna work great, others not so much. Some things will make you LOVE to workout, and others will make you dread it. Right now that's where I am with weight lifting. I love it, but right now it just feels like more of a chore than anything. I've ordered a few Beachbody DVD's to spice things up a bit and we'll see how that goes. Sometimes you have to try ALL the things before you find what's the best for you. 

What is YOUR favorite way to love your body and treat it right? (Keep it clean please :) ) 

Friday, June 5, 2015

meal plan vs. meal guide?

hey guys!  hope that you all are having a great week!  i'm really trying to do this blog thing at least once a week, so if there's anything you ever want me to write about, please let me know!

so as many of you know, i put a meal guide up for sale!  i've gotten a lot of positive feedback, but have also been asked if i would provide a customized meal plan, and here's my reasoning as to why i won't do that.

number one: i am not a licensed nutritionist.  although i have some knowledge about what to eat and what not to eat, that doesn't mean that i have the right to give you an exact plan to lose weight.  i am currently looking in to getting a certification to become a nutritionist, but even then, i don't think i'll ever give out a specific meal plan.

i lost the majority of my weight by eating clean, with indulgences, and working my ass off in the gym.  then, i got as low as 178 lbs, and basically went crazy with the eating.  i was comfortable with my body, so i figured, "yeah, let's have that pizza!".  "alcohol doesn't seem to make me sick any more, let's drink ALLLLLL  the redd's apple ale!".  i basically went in to full out "reward" mode.  over the course of the summer, gained approximately 20 lbs, and held on to that plus a little some for the next year or so.  then moved in with my fiance, couldn't find a gym near my house, holiday's came, basically went in to "fuck it" mode, and gained an additional 30.

oh, i had a point to this, bare with me.

right before moving in with my fiance, i was doing a 12 week transformation program.  and for the first month, it worked GREAT.  i was eating cod every day, working my ass off in the gym, and ANY cheat meal i wanted every saturday.  in a month, i lost 13 lbs. and it was great!

then, the "idon'twannaeatthesamethingoverandoverandovergimmepizza" syndrome happened.

i fell "off the wagon" til january, then started up again with a new trainer, thinking it was going to be different.  expressing that i didn't want to be on a meal plan the rest of my life, and he understood!

and then i was put on a meal plan.

life is not meant to be spent, eating a cup of spinach, 4 oz. of chicken breast, and sugar free jello. i can understand people that doing body competitions, to reach a certain physique, but i've seen so many people come off those plans and go into a downward spiral.  so many weeks/months of restricting yourself can do a lot of damage, so on to my number two:

i hate meal plans.  at first, it was fine.  i went through the thought process of "don't think of food as a comfort, think of it as fuel.  it's just food."  and honestly, that's not a bad process!  i need to have a better relationship with food, and i know that.  but when i go through periods of strict restriction and telling myself i can only have option a, b, and c, i'm going to rebel.

life is about BALANCE.  i am an advocate of the 90/10 rule.  90% of the time, i'm going to eat healthy.  not just because i have a certain "body goal" that i want to hit, but because it FEELS good to eat healthy, the other 10%, i'll have pizza. or a beer, or whatever i want.  do i sometimes go overboard? yes. but it's never been AS bad i was a few years ago.

before i made the decision to lose weight, i was eating fast food sometimes 5x a week.  some days, it was for all 3 meals.  my body felt TIRED. at the age of 21, my body felt like i was 90. not to mention, i had HORRIBLE stomach problems, where immediately after eating those foods, i would have to go to the bathroom.  did this make me stop eating that stuff? no, of course not.  i was addicted.

again, back to my point, i don't believe in meal plans. i don't believe in absolute restriction.  and once i DO get my certification to take on clients, i will never give a meal plan.  i will give you suggestions, i will teach how to eat healthy, and the proper portions that you should be eating!

so that's why i created the "meal guide".  it gives a structure to plan your meals.  it gives you portion sizes, what foods to eat, along with tips that i've learned along the way!

if you're interested in buying it, (which also makes a contribution to me getting a certification, and to my wedding fund :) ), click here!  it's a digital download that will download to your device.

if you've purchased it and have any feed back, please let me know!

love you all!

Friday, May 29, 2015

my top three tips to stay motivated and stay on track.

one of the most common questions i get asked, is how do i stay so motivated?  well, my answer is pretty simple:

july 2008.

i never want to get back to this girl again. she was so depressed and had the mindset of "this is it. there's nothing better, so why should i even try?"  she was slowly killing herself everyday with the help of food and being a pack a day smoker.

now some of you may ask, "yeah, that's what keeps you motivated now, what kept you motivated in the beginning?"  well, it was the possibility of being something more. i wanted to prove to myself, and to others that it was possible. my sister was actually the one that motivated me the most. with changing her eating habits and working out everyday, she had lost 75 pounds!  as soon as i saw what she had done (and how hot she was), i knew that i could do it too. i never intended on sharing my journey publicly, and honestly, i don't recommend it to everyone. but knowing that i can help someone somewhere get off their ass and get in to the gym, then that's all i care about. 

so to get to the point, here are my top three tips to stay motivated/stay on track through out your journey.  these are what worked for ME.  i cannot stress enough that there are things that may work for me, but don't always work for other people!  we are ALL DIFFERENT.  and that's okay!  i also found what worked for me through trial and error, which is frustrating, but it's something we have to do in order to find what works best for us!

1. Tracking:
in the beginning of my journey when i had hired a trainer, for the first few months she would have me fill out a food log, and include what workouts i was doing every day.  i'd hand them in to her every week, she would tell me if something needed to be changed, or "try not to eat so much of this" and so on and so forth.  but the tracking, kept me in line!  knowing that i had someone that i had to show my eating to, kept me accountable of what i was putting in my mouth!  after a few months, she didn't require them anymore, but i still wanted to keep track.  i had purchased the BodyMedia armband (they don't sell it anymore) that the contestants on The Biggest Loser wore.  i absolutely loved it! not only did it track my calories burned and what i ate, it also tracked my sleep, and how many steps i took.  it was a great tool when starting out my journey.  after a while i got tired of wearing a bulky armband haha and that's why i stopped using it.  but now there are ALL kinds of things (including the Polar Loop band that my sister Kristin just purchased and LOVES.) that you can use to track your daily activity!  the point of this huge paragraph?  find something that you love doing, whether it be writing it down in a notebook, tracking on myfitnesspal, and use it!  track the good AND the bad!

2. Setting Goals:
i love being able to give myself a "gold star" at the end of the day when i know that i've done everything in my power to accomplish the small goals i give myself every week.  whether it's to workout at least 4 times a week, drink more water, or go to bed earlier.  setting SMALL goals every week will lead to BIG things, i promise!

so if you're just starting out, and your body is used to not moving so much, make it a goal to be active for 15 minutes a day. THAT'S IT. i don't care if you're marching in place while watching a TV show, but make it happen, EVERY DAY.  then the next week, up it by 5 mins!

3. Meal Prep:
meal prep has been a HUGE key to my weight loss.  when i have my own food, it doesn't give me the excuse to eat something else!  basically what i do, is that i cook my lean meats on sunday, and eat it through out the week.  the night before, i'll get my "snacks" ready.  it's all about MAKING time.  i am away from my house for 12 hours a day.  i get up at 5, leave my house by 5:30, on my train at 6:15, and get back home at 5pm.  i come home, cook dinner, then take my ass to the gym.  i know, IT'S HARD.  and i know that it's ESPECIALLY hard when you have kids, but if you have healthy choices on hand, you won't go for the fast food, the cookies, or anything else!  for dinners, i utilize pinterest A LOT.  i look up recipes with minimal amounts of ingredients that don't take a long time to cook, i write out my grocery list, and that's all that i buy!  if you buy unhealthy food, you'll eat it!  this is what i do every week:

i write out what both my fiance and i will be eating for each meal, then write out my grocery list!  it's that simple! having a plan for the week will just make life easier!  and, it honestly has saved me money.  instead of going to the grocery store without a plan, and just buying random things, i know EXACTLY what i'm buying and what it will be used for.

these three things have helped me SO MUCH in my journey thus far.  let me know in the comments what has helped YOU the most, or what else you'd like to see on the blog! <3

Monday, May 11, 2015

motivation monday

hey there guys!  i know i know, two blog posts in the same month!  like i said, i'd like to try and do a weekly blog, so here i am again :)

this week i want to talk about setting goals for the week. after a weekend full of pms induced carb and chocolate filled eating, mama's ready to get back to her low carb lovin self. (although i'm only on day three, so forgive me if i still want ALLLLLL the foods)

after spending the day with my mama and my soon to be mother in law, john and i got home and started cleaning up and prepping food for the week.  i was putting some laundry away, and realized since i had bought a few pieces of new clothing, i needed to free up some hangers.  i thought i'd clean up some of the space by taking out the things that aren't fitting me right now (which also served a good purpose of not being sad every time i look at those clothes) then i'd have at least three to five hangers to use.. yeah.. about that number: 

i saw that pile on my bed and had a wee bit of a panic attack. all of the clothes that i had bought last year, no longer fit. not even close. some of the shirts were even a size medium!  and a few of the shirts were even bought bigger at that time to be more "flowy", and yeah, vacuum sealed in.

of course, i was crushed, and feeling defeated. then in walked john, saw how upset i was, gave me a big ol' hug and a kiss and reminded me that it's only a matter of time before i get back there, that i was beautiful and that he loves me. (there's a reason why i'm keepin him around :) ). and then this quote popped in to my head: "not being where you want to be, should be the only motivation you need". plucked at the heart strings just a bit, and knew it was the truth. the only person that's going to make this happen is me, and god bless it it's gonna happen.

oh, so ya know, the point of this blog. goals? right? that's what this was supposed to be about. on to that. 

setting SMALL attainable goals, are a great help when starting your journey. and i REALLY emphasize on the word small. so many people start their journey with only the end in mind, not thinking of all the little milestones along the way that you have to accomplish in order to get to that finished result. so for example, if you want to START being active, make it a goal to walk even 15 minutes a day. if that to you, is a huge improvement, that's all that matter!  the biggest thing is that you don't want to set yourself for failure, because then you'll just get in the "fuck it" mindset if you fail. and we want to avoid that at all costs 😊. so like i said, start small. if you're not used to drinking a lot of water, start out with at least three glasses a day. if your body isn't used to moving, start with 15 minutes of morning a day.

so, here are my goals for this week:
• drink my water, ESPECIALLY on the weekend.
• limit starbucks, and maybe learn how to make MY OWN iced coffee :D
• don't miss a workout.
• no mindless eating.  this has been a big thing for me recently, where i'm finding myself grabbing something to eat, even when i'm not hungry. 

those are MY goals for the week, i like setting my intentions for the week, and i like giving myself a gold star at the end of the week even more :) so let me hear your goals! leave yours in the comments!

Friday, May 8, 2015

oh wait, you write blog posts?

oh heeyyyyy there.  i know it's been quite some time since you've seen one of these from me, and i apologize for that.  i felt like every time i wrote on here, it was about my struggles, and i just didn't think people wanted to continuously hear about it.

well, sadly, this blog post won't be any better haha  butttt, i did want to give you a little bit of insight as to what's been going on with me lately, and what's in for the future!

so as most of you know, i moved in with John in the beginning of november.  at the time, i was doing the "psychotic fat destruction" plan with steve poynter of fitness poynters, while also coaching a group of girls.  everything was going great, i was following the meal plan to an absolute t, working my ass off, and in a month, lost 13 pounds, i felt amazing. i loved coaching the group of girls, feeling like i was able to help people reach their goals was an amazing feeling.  i've made some great friends from working with them.  then ya know, life happened haha i moved in with john, got settled with moving in to our house, and hadn't found a gym to start going to.  we all know what it feels like when you take time off, it's harder and harder to start again. after the first month of coaching, i started slacking majorly.  i wasn't as motivated with myself, so in turn, it reflected my efforts with them. i kept on going in a circle of "i'll start monday" "i'll start after i come back from florida", "i'll start after the holidays"  it just kept on being put in to my head that it was "too hard" to be healthy at that time of year, so i'd just enjoy myself until january 5th, and that 2015 will be my year!  i ended up stopping the coaching with those ladies, and all of them were so completely understanding.  i just felt like, i couldn't help other people when i could barely help myself at that time.  it was one of those "put on your own oxygen masks before the person next to you" situations.

as most of you know, i got engaged on christmas!  i'm so excited for our future, and to marry this man on october 8th of next year.  but with that engagement, was the thought of "oh shit, how am i going to pay for this?" "i need to start so i can look good in my wedding dress!" and innnnnn came advocare products.  to me, the business was simple, and the products were vitamins that promoted weight loss as well, so why not?  to make a long story short, you can't sell something you don't have a passion for, so it just wasn't for me.  i met some amazing, driven people while doing it, but i couldn't get behind something that i didn't love, so that kind of dwindled away..

i was feeling super lost in my journey, not knowing where to turn.  i felt like i knew how to do it, but it wasn't working, so i needed help.  i did the whole meal plan thing and it just wasn't for me, so what was for me? how could i get back to the place that i wanted? who's going to help me?  in came jonny straws.  jonny reached out to me and understood exactly where i was coming from.  he listened to me and in him i thought i found the answer. the workouts were great, and he was a great support, but i am not made for a strict meal plan and we had differences in other areas, and in the end it just didn't work out.

so here i am again, 50 pounds up from my lowest weight, not following a meal plan or any kind of strict regimen, not feeling any pressure from any aspect, and i feel amazing. do i want the 50 pounds to come off? absolutely.  it's come down to the point, where I need to do this for ME. the thing is, that we make it so complicated.  we get so stressed about feeling like it's never going to come off, that we physically make sure that it doesn't.  we get angry when the scale doesn't move, so we turn to food.  (at least i know that i do) we get HAPPY when the scale moves, and we "reward ourselves", feeling like we deserve it.  such a messed up, vicious cycle.  right now i'm not focusing on the scale, rather than focusing on doing things that make ME feel good.  working out, does make me feel good, and i don't use it as a punishment.  working out makes my SOUL and my brain feel so much better.  there are days where i'd rather sit at home and binge on episodes of friends, but i know that if i actually go to the gym, i'll feel better about myself.  i'm focusing on eating well, and having a balanced life.  bringing my own meals and tupperware to parties, it's not something i'm going to do for the rest of my life.  feeling like i can't be social because i can't be around those things, is not normal.  and i get it, everyone has a different definition of normal, and that's fine!  but MY normal, is to be able to make healthy decisions, with every once in a while having an indulgence, without feeling guilty about it.

so without being too repetitive of myself, i know that i'm capable of doing this.  i know that i am capable of getting to where i want to be.  i know that i'm no where near the person i used to be, and that means everything to me.  the person i used to be, didn't have enough respect for herself to make better decisions for herself, both mentally, AND physically.  i have overcome so much, and to sound even more like a fortune cookie, i need to stop looking in the past, having anxiety about the future, and focus on the now.  i've done it before, imma do it again. :)

so there's my update of where i've been and the roller coaster of my life the last six months.. i really would love to post on here more, but i have no idea what YOU guys want to hear!  so please, in the comments let me know what you guys would be interested in reading, i'd love to do a once a week post at least!  

Friday, December 5, 2014

did they see me?

i don't know why it's so hard,
to just walk by it.
it doesn't have power over me.
i'm stronger than i think i am.
but just one bite,
that couldn't hurt, right?
i mean, one bite won't kill me.
one bite isn't going to derail me.
one bite is fine.
just one.
i wonder if anyone will notice.
can i take another?
no no, you shouldn't.
it's not okay.
it's fine,

binge eating.
it's a serious mental illness.  don't let anyone else tell you different.  feeling as if you have no control, like you can't be in a public setting, because what if?

what if you can't stop yourself?
what if you have a blackout episode?
what if other people will see what you do?

hiding my addiction was a big part of my binge eating.  it mostly came in the form of fast food paper bags; hidden underneath my car seats, underneath garbage already in the trash can, or thrown out in a random garbage can before anyone else could see it.

or hiding my eating in general.  grabbing something to eat, and taking it to another room so i could devour it.  i had to hide, because if someone saw me eating, they would judge me.  i would judge me.

eating two, three dinners, before going to bed.  i needed the feeling of "full" before i went to sleep,

the only thing that wasn't full, was my soul.
food filled the void.

i won't say that i'm cured, that is for damn sure.  i still have a lot of control issues, in all aspects of my life.  i still find it hard to stop eating the vegetables off the tray at a party.  i know what you're thinking, "it's just vegetables!"  but it still matters when you physically can't make yourself stop.  there is something in my head that makes me believe that i don't have control over my own body, to stop eating when i'm full, and not to the point of pain.  i'm still trying to figure this out.  i still have a little bit of anxiety over company gatherings/social functions with friends/family parties.  i have to mentally prepare myself to be strong.

strong enough to know when to say no.
strong enough to realize that i don't need that extra piece of cake.
strong enough to want to be better.

i'm sorry if this blog post didn't make much sense, or didn't give you a resolution to something that you may deal with yourself.

but it does let you know, whoever you are, that you're not alone.
and that's what we all want, right?
to know that we're not alone?

because you're not.

i'm here, and i feel what you feel.

Thursday, November 6, 2014


so as some of you have seen the last couple of weeks, i've mentioned the idea of doing some online coaching on my instagram and facebook pages.  i had over 100 people saying they'd be interested in working with me.

first off, woah.

100 of you? if i could physically take on 100 people, that'd be AMAZING.  but, let's be real here, i don't know if i could handle that many haha but it would seriously be AWESOME if i could.  to be able to work with so many of you, to help you achieve your goals?  yes. please.

so many of you have messaged me and have asked me to please "consider you" for the coaching.  let me break it down as to what this would be exactly.

my goal is to have contact with you everyday.  you'd probably get an obnoxious good morning text from me, asking you what your goals for the day are, and how you plan to stay accountable.  i want you to be able to contact me whenever you need to.  you can ask for my advice, tell me when donuts are in the office, or when you need a verbal ass-kicking.  (i'm really good at those.)  you can send me sweaty selfies, email me your life story, tell me anything you want to.  i want you to know that you're not alone, and that there is someone else that understands your struggles. i know what it's like to not know where to start.  i know what it's like to feel intimidated in the gym, and not want to go near the weights for fear of looking like an idiot.  i know what it's like to be in your shoes.  i get it.

the primary reason for my coaching, is the mental part.  now, i'm not a professional psychologist, coach, nutritionist, nor personal trainer, but i can help you in any way i know that i can.  if you're looking for food to eat, i will give you a "guide" as to what you should be eating, but not a set meal plan.  if you're looking for a workout plan, i will give you suggestions for workouts, and be your accountability partner.  everything i "give you" will all be based on my own personal experiences, what has worked well for me, and my own opinions.  does this guarantee that you're going to lose 10lbs in a week? of course not.  does this mean that what suggestions i give you are going to work for you?  not always the case.  to me, this coaching isn't as much about "how to lose 10 lbs in 2 weeks" as it is "how do i start to love myself to know that i deserve to be happy?"

so, if you're looking for someone to show you the next quick fix, that's not what my goal is.  my goal is to help people realize, that you're worth it.  you're worth the hard work. you're worth the sweat, tears, and maybe even sacrifices that it takes to get to where you want to be.

so when does this start?
my goal, is that i'm going to start out with 6 people for the month of december.  on monday, november 24th, i will post something on instagram, and a post on facebook, to leave your email addresses and that 3 from each site will be picked at random.  once the guinea pigs are chosen, you will be sent an introduction email, with a questionnaire about yourself and what you're looking to get out of this.  coaching will begin december 1st and go to december 31st.

after december 31st, i'll send out another questionnaire regarding working with me for a month.  did i help you at all? would you consider to continue working with me? and all that fun mumbo jumbo.

sadly, there will be some limits as to when i can be contacted.  because i do work full time, i'll make myself available via text and email during the day, and probably end the day at around 8pm.  (a girl's gotta sleep :) ) if you wanted, i could open up a few hours on the weekend to schedule maybe 30-45 minute phone/skype conversation with you.  because december does run through some holidays, i will say that you can definitely text and email me and i may not respond right away, but phone calls would not be answered on holidays.    

if all goes well with the 6 people in the first month, i may move it up to 10 slots (in total) being available.  i will be charging an affordable monthly fee,  should you not want to continue to work into the next month, you will be shunned! tooooootally just kidding :) i'll just ask for you to give me at least a week head's up so that i can open the spot for someone else. if you decided to work with me for 3+ months, i'll have some discounted rates.

i'm really hoping that this works the way i want it to.  i just want to help people, and let them know that they're not alone.  if i could make this my career and do this full time, ooooooh man my heart may explode.

so basically, wanna be bff's?

Thursday, October 23, 2014

a new chapter..

so as most of you know, i've been in a plateau with my weight loss for well over a year now.  no matter what i did, nothing seemed to work.  last summer, i had gotten down to the lowest weight i've ever been as an adult (179lbs) and i was ECSTATIC! so ecstatic, that i got cocky.

june of 2013, at my lowest weight.
i had gotten to a point of feeling immensely proud, and comfortable.  so comfortable, that eating half a pizza was totally okay.  drinking 5 redd's apple ciders was normal, and yeah, i'll totally have some ice cream to go with that.  because i "deserved it". that became a common phrase last summer.  i was eating like shit, because i deserved it.

that's one of my biggest pet peeves ya know, is being told "you deserve it!".

"oh, you've worked so hard, you deserve it!"
"you never do stuff like this, it's fine!"

although, i appreciate the sentiment, it bothers the shit out of me.  and yes, i do believe in having everything in moderation (including moderation). being told by others, and even myself, that i'm allowed to binge eat and go crazy, because "i deserve it", drives me nuts.  because you know what i deserve?  i deserve to be happy, i deserve to reach my goals, and i deserve to feel enough strength in myself to be able to tell others no.  i deserve to be where i want to be.

so after bouts with shakeology, doing the 24-day challenge by advocare, a couple of rounds of whole 30, nothing was helping. nothing was helping because i wasn't ready for it to help. i was given shakelogy by a dear friend to try and help me get through my plateau.  she had given me a bag FOR FREE and i was so grateful.  but alas, i couldn't stick with it.  another friend had given me the 24-day challenge from advocare for free.  honestly, the results were amazing, but because my mind wasn't in it for the long haul, i gained everything back.  nothing was keeping me accountable, nothing was "sticking". and because i was in the mindset of "results results results", i gave up.  after all of those trials, i'd just go back to the same thought process of "i've been so good for the last so and so days, i deserve this."  earlier this summer, my sister Kristin and i decided to end our relationship with our trainer that we had been seeing for 2 years. we didn't end it because we didn't love her, because we did.  she became a close friend, and someone we could confide in.  it just had gotten to a point where we knew what we had to do, it was just a matter of keeping ourselves accountable.  she taught us all the fundamentals, and held my hand while i lost my first 100lbs, and i will forever be grateful for having such a fabulous trainer in my life.

well, a couple months later of trying to do it myself, it just wasn't working.  i can workout like no one's business, but i wasn't changing anything. back day was back day, always the same movements, barely going up in weights.  i was comfortable with being comfortable.  and i figured i could eat what i wanted, because "at least i was maintaining", at least, that's what i thought i was doing.  finally stepping on the scale, i saw that i was back over 200lbs, that was heartbreaking.  it's funny how, you've come so far in your journey, doing what you think is best, then all of a sudden, it's like the knowledge escapes you, and you don't know where to turn.  i could go back to my trainer, but i was only seeing her once a week.  and honestly, even though she was training us at a great price, with me moving in with my boyfriend, i couldn't afford to have another added expense.  i had done online training before, but it just didn't work out, so i was unsure of the idea of doing it again.

i was seeing a friend of mine, amy (One Motivated Momma), post about all of her success with her online trainer.  i was intrigued so i asked her a few questions.  after talking with amy, i decided to give it a try.  i purchased his 12 week program, psychotic fat destruction. the program is split up into 6 phases, and consists of a meal plan, with workouts that are switched up every two weeks. i started training with steve right after labor day, so naturally i had an all out binge fest before hand. these are the before photos:

seeing those photos were a wake up call, and i knew that i needed to commit to the plan i had purchased.  after the first week, i couldn't believe the results:

my tummy had flattened, and i was fitting back into my size 14's!  so after following his meal plan and workouts for a month straight (phase 1 & 2, and having to take a week off because of being sick) these were the results:

my sister took the photos of me and literally said "holy shit kate!". when i saw the photos i was SHOCKED. i had felt a slight difference in myself, and i had lost about 10lbs. but i couldn't BELIEVE the difference one month of consistency could make.

so now i'm currently on phase 3, and this one is TOUGH. the meal plan has stayed the same, but the workouts have definitely gotten a bit more intense, but i'm loving them. i'm upping my weights constantly. 

i'm pushing myself harder than i have in a LONG time and that's what i love the most.  i'm finally feeling myself falling in love with the process again. i'm literally eating the same food everyday, and it's making me look at food as fuel rather than a comfort.  that to me, is one of the best things ever.  all i know is, i'm ridiculously grateful for reaching out to steve for help. he may not be there with me for every workout, but i needed someone to write it all out for me, a step by step process. 

now you may ask "what happens when the 12 weeks are up?" well,steve makes it known on his website that if you continue to work with him, he will lower the prices significantly. am i going to use him all of my life? i don't think so, but this has definitely helped me stay accountable, and i can't wait to see what my full transformation will be!

if you're interested in possible working with Steve, you can contact him here.  make sure to let him know i sent ya! :)

have you ever worked with an online trainer?  did it work for you? leave your comments below!

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

i'm no super hero.

one of the most asked questions i get (besides what my wrist watch thingy is. which is a polar ft40. google it. :) ) is how do i stay motivated? how do you get the will power? how do you keep going?

well for me, it's simple. 
i don't ever want to be this girl again.
july 2007

now now now, don't get me wrong. this girl above still knew how to smile. she laughed a lot and had (still has) an amazing family and fabulous group of friends.   but she held herself back from so many opportunities to live her life to the fullest because of her weight.

i've lost a couple family members due to complications with obesity.  diabetes is in my family, cancer is in my family.  my father alone has had more heart attacks than anyone probably should, along with a triple bypass surgery.  i don't want to be another statistic.

i want to live.  

i want a future. i want to grow up. i want to be the person that i've always wanted to be.  i want to be happy.  i want to get married.  i want to make babies.  i want to watch my babies grow up, and watch them make their own babies.  

i know what it's like to be depressed, to feel like there's no way out of where you are.  i know how much it hurts when you feel like you can't do what you see others doing.  i know the struggle it is to keep up with your friends when they're walking down the street.  i know how hard it is to hurt after going up a flight of stairs.  i know how food can make you feel better, even for a moment.  that bite that makes all of that pain go away.  i shoved it in there too, sometimes mindlessly, and sometimes fully aware of what i was doing.  shoving 2 McChicken's with cheese and a large fry down my throat at 2 am was my choice, and i liked it.  because for some odd reason, it made all the other pain go away.

i also know, that you have every ounce of courage in you, that i do in me.
we are made up of the same parts.  we both have a heart, and a brain, and red blood pumping through our veins. we are ALL capable of living the life that we truly want to.

the real question isn't how do i keep my motivation, the question is, how bad do i want to LIVE my life, instead of simply existing?

bad, real bad.

i got to a point where enough was enough.  i was tired, and sick, and depressed, and i knew that if i wanted to make it to 30, i needed to make a change.  seeing my bmi (body mass index) at nearly 50% at the age of 24 is what truly kicked my ass in gear.  and yes, my weight loss has stalled the last year and a half, but i will never return to what i was before.  

when you've hit a place where enough is enough, that's where the motivation comes from.
and it's not going to be easy.
it's going to be REALLY FUCKING HARD.
you're going to have to choose to love yourself every. single. day.
you're going to have to be around people that don't necessarily understand your journey.
you're going to have people tell you "you've worked so hard, you deserve that piece of cake".
you're going to lose faith in yourself.
you're going to hit goals.
you're going to feel strong.
you're going to choose vegetables over donuts.
you're going to win the battle against yourself.

my motivation is my future.  my motivation is keeping strong.  my motivation is to never be in the place that i was in before.

that is truly it.
find yours, and hold onto it dearly <3

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

so many new pretty things!

so if you couldn't tell, mama got a make over!

in more than one way.

if ya couldn't tell, my blog got a make-over!  my former employer, turned family is a social media GENIUS.  she made my blog gorgeous and also if ya look to the right, you can  now subscribe to my blog via email, and can also find other ways to contact me.  isn't it preeeeeetttyyyy?!  you should probably be followin Jennifer's crazy life at :)

now if only i could figure out how to put my purchased domain name as the website for this blog, my life would be complete! haha


also, more pretty things! 

i was contacted by one of my all time FAVORITE stores, Charming Charlies, to become an ambassador!

someone catch me as i faint.

this was literally a dream come true for me.  ever since i can remember, i have always been an "accessories" girl.  mainly because, accessories always fit!  while my friends were out shopping for cute clothes, i headed over to the purses/headbands/jewelry section.  and when Charming Charlie's came to my mall, i was EXCITED.  a store, dedicated to accessories, organized by color.


yellow. pink. purple. green.  need a turquoise necklace/handbag/anythingyoupossiblycouldneed accessory? they had it. in bulk. and so prettyyyyyyy.

so when i was told that i was going to receive free pieces of merchandise to post, i was expecting maybe a necklace or two and a pair of earrings.

i.  was.  wrong.

Charming Charlie's HOOKED ME UP.

i received the box at work, thinking maybe they were just trying to be extra cautious with the items they sent me, because the box was so huge. 

inside the box contained:

cream colored shoulder bag
cognac colored shoulder bag

cream colored gauzy like sweater

cream colored peasant top

cream colored cardigan

long gold leaf necklace

up-close look

gold chevron ring

adjustable silver leaf ring

mini infinity gold ring

pearl bracelets

boho bangles

multi-colored rose bracelet

gold feather necklace

and honestly, that's not ALL of it.  it was like christmas at work, i swear!  only downfall was that the majority of the shirts don't fit me at the moment.  so i either will be doing a giveaway with them, or saving them for my smaller self :) i haven't decided.  (i probably shouldn't have teased you like that, huh?)

i am so grateful i was given this opportunity.  and these items came in perfect timing for fall! 

head over to Charming Charlie's and get out their #CCBohoChic line! you won't regret it! <3

until next time loves!